i.

 

once upon a time

i loved 

her name was

and she sang in the school choir

other than that, she never            anyone else

apart from when we

met at the canteen            i saw            kiss            and her smile was

i thought they were

i wanted it

 

ii.

 

dear                ,

i remember once in the national gallery

below            looking out into the foyer,

waiting

    showed me:

 

                      “Ode to            “

 

we have no pictures.            scrubbed my phone

when he            and after that,

when i got on the plane, he                       to kill and     family,                       too.

please                       : i wrote many                       .

and no    ever                       that we                       in the            toilets next to the

,

not even when the               came and      threatened to            our                 .

 

       remember       how i stood     for    us? 

he     tall like            my                  .

 

iii. 

 

how    did sunlight become

           friction cupping    cheek in the nook

where i          your journal?

 

always                     ,

 

iv.

 

you said you were going to burn / ripped up my letters in front of / took photographs / sent them to her family / can’t speak around / kissing her / to feast on belief / months, months, / could barely look at blue paper clips without / shaking / she was wearing my jacket / those 10 letters / turned 16 and looked / tried / you said you did  / what you had to do / what you had to do was / you said you didn’t / read them / spent my years believing / the photograph: cca polyester jacket, too tight / in the canteen / burning her face / remember now, / a blue paper clip / for months at 14 / 16 ripping through / sorry? / was this a kiss / no::            speak / speak of it